This week we thought we'd take a look at writing to describe. Writing to Describe is a key skill for exam success, so here are Teacher-of-English.com's top tips from across the internet:
Describing
Writing to describe is to give a description of what something or someone is like.
When writing to describe, you should:
- Remember that your thoughts and feelings are important in this sort of writing, eg how does this place make you feel and why?
- Try and think about using the sorts of devices you have seen in poetry and literature, eg metaphor, simile, imagery etc.
When writing to describe, you need to give lots of detail and make the words interesting for others to read. For example, if you wanted to describe your home, you wouldn't just write lots of facts, like this:
My house was built in 1972 of red brick with a pitched concrete tiled roof. The house was extended in 2003 with a small UPVC conservatory and an adjoining patio area of approximately 8 square metres...
This gives lots of facts, but these are the types of facts that someone buying a house might need. Most people would find a description like this boring. So what should you do?
The first thing is to think about what you want to show other people. Do you want to concentrate on the roof tiles or the types of bricks used? Or do you want to tell them about the fence panel your brother broke when he was chasing you last summer?
You could also write about the time Stephanie threw a tennis ball and it got stuck in the guttering - it's still there - and when it rains really hard the gutter overflows. You might even have a gnome in the front garden, which your grandad bought - it looks stupid, but you won't move it in case you offend him.
Each of these details is far more interesting than roof tiles or measurements. So, when you are describing something, think of drawing a picture or taking a photograph. You focus on a certain point, write a paragraph about it, then move to the next point and the next.
Another way to add detail to your descriptions is to use your senses. Think about what you can see, what you can touch, what you can smell, what you can taste and what you can hear. If we go back to your house, you might be able to add sounds, like music from your sister's room, the sound of the neighbour's lawnmower, or a baby crying upstairs.
Here's a typical writing to describe question:
Write a description of your school during a typical break. Include information about the buildings and the people. You might want to write about the classrooms, the hall, the playing fields and the corridors as well as the pupils and the staff.
Why not have a go at planning an answer to this question now? You could have a go at writing a full answer, or just jot down some points and details on rough paper.
Writing to Describe advice from WJEC:
Every year, the writing to describe task in Section B of Paper 1 is where students lose the most marks in their English exam. It is therefore a good idea to practice descriptive writing so that this does not happen to you. Furthermore, quality descriptive writing can be used as coursework. You are therefore improving your coursework folder at the same time as you are learning how to impress the examiner.
Below is a selection of writing to describe tasks from past papers.
You should write about a page in your answer book.
Remember this is a test of your ability to write descriptively.
1. Describe the scene on a beach or in a park on a summer’s day. (2001)
2. Describe the scene in a large department store or shop on the first day of the January sales. (2002)
3. Describe the scene in the waiting room in a doctor’s or dentist’s surgery.
(2004)
When you have developed the necessary skills over the next few lessons, you will be required to attempt either question 1 or 3. Included in this booklet are some responses to the writing to describe question.
How much do you already know about writing to describe a scene?
Writing to describe – Checklist of Features
AO3i Form, tone, content appropriate for audience
q the tone is usually formal
q adjectives and adverbs add precision to the picture
q nouns are precise
q verbs are powerful
q details are multi-sensory
q figurative language builds atmosphere
q the third person is usually used but first can be appropriate, for example to add reflection or when writing autobiography
AO3ii Paragraphs and connectives
q an establishing paragraph sets the scene
q topic sentences establish the focus of each paragraph
q each paragraph develops a different snapshot view, eg of a particular group of people or an incident
q connectives guide the reader through the scene
q short paragraphs may emphasise key details
AO3iii Sentences and punctuation
q a range of sentences are used for effect
q short sentences create impact, long sentences provide pace
q subordinate clauses add descriptive detail
q the present tense is used to create immediacy
2. Describe the scene in a large department store or shop on the first day of the January sales. (2002)
Script One (Exam conditions response) writing to describe
It was eight o’clock on a Saturday morning, the day that the January sales began. It was a mad rush to get ready as my sister’s prepared ‘to shop til they dropped’. They came running into the bedroom and said it was time to go. But I replied the shops didn’t open until nine o’clock. They wanted to go early so they could wait in the queue.
We left the house at 8.30, we arrived in town there was three car park’s full already, we only just found a place to park. My sisters were out of the car before I finished parking. They ran from the car park to the shops. They were like children in a playground!
I eventually caught up with them, we turned the corner to go to Next. The queues were massive. It was like a Saturday at a football match but all women of course. We stood in the line. The shop doors opened. It was like an earthquake the ground moved as all of the people ran in, to find the cheaper clothing. Everyone was screaming even my sisters were shocked at the prices. We never seen clothes so cheap in Next before.
We got out of the shop it was like a breath of fresh air. We had 2 bags each filled with clothes.
We went to different shops all of them the same. Rushing with people. It was like a circus, women fighting over a skirt. Even men arguing over aftershave.
We eventually got out of town we will never forget this day, women and men arguing over sales.
Script Two (Exam conditions response) writing to describe
I push through the crowds of young people hovering outside the automatic doors of Burger King, kicking the empty paper cups and bags out of my way. Stepping inside, the first thing that hits me is the sound. It crashes over me, engulfing me, drawing me in. I step closer, into the midst of it. To my left sit a young couple, anxiously feeding their toddler chicken nuggets dipped in tomato sauce. The two year old cries and whines, putting his hand up to his mouth as if to say ‘no, no more.’ The group of young people to my right are laughing, shouting and flirting. One of the boys has stolen a girl’s milkshake and she leans across her friends, giggling happily, to try and snatch it back. I can hear the radio playing faintly. The newest, noisiest dance track struggles to be heard in the room full of people, resembling a school canteen.
As I make my way upstairs I pass a smartly dressed businessman, holding a brown bag containing a burger, and his other hand to hold his drink. He has his mobile phone trapped between his ear and his shoulder and he jabbers away to his colleague about ‘redundancies’. An elderly woman, accompanied by two young, brightly dressed grandchildren, frowns at the man as she makes her way past, children in tow.
The smell of the greasy, fatty burgers is overpowering now, and I can hardly breathe for the stench if freshly cooked French fries. They coat the floor, like a three-inch carpet, soft underfoot. I wonder why these restaurants even bother installing bins – nobody seems inclined to use them. Spotting no empty tables, I make my way back downstairs to order my food. I overtake the queue if people waiting for ‘veggie-burgers’ and order large fries and a chocolate milkshake. The young girl who serves me can’t be much older than myself, yet she looks older, more tired, world-weary. Her shoulder length hair hangs limp and greasy under her baseball cap, and her red t-shirt is stained with fat and fizzy drinks.
The woman next to me has dropped her tray, and someone with a mop rushes to clean up the split cola, before anyone has a chance to fall in it. I smell the air, take a French fry out of the packet, pop it in my mouth and sigh. It tastes like grease, unhealthy and fattening. Looking around me, I decide to find a bench outside and, licking my lips in anticipation of my milkshake, I go in search of one.
Script Three (Coursework/exam prep response) writing to describe
Red nosed and rosy cheeked, the crowd waits, watching. The manager can be seen through the shiny glass doors, slowly making his way towards the swarm of impatient men, women and children. Taking a deep breath, he places the silver key in the metal lock. Silence. Then the sound of the key turning in the lock. Filled with excitement, customers stand on their tiptoes, waiting for the final click. The doors burst open, allowing the eager customers to pass into their new found heaven.
As the people slowly disperse into different departments, a huge party of women make their way to the perfume department. They find shelves upon shelves of perfume. The brightly coloured containers stand out against the plain white walls. Irritated, the customers try to brush off the shop assistants who are trying to sell the new Ralph Lauren scent. All that can be smelt is the mix of perfumes – Angel against Paris
Whilst women pile into the perfume department, men make their way to the men’s department. Blazing red signs cover every wall, advertising 20% off last season’s clothing. A mingle of aftershave creates a very sickly scent. Men, old and young, browse through the shelves, looking to grasp their bargain. A low murmur fills the room. A gigantic, crimson sign is suspended from the ceiling, advertising 30% off the jackets that hang on the silver rail below. A few men search through the jackets, hunting to ‘that jacket’ they need for ‘that night out’. Advertising the reduction on the jackets, an occasional tannoy interrupts the conversation about last week’s game – Liverpool v Arsenal. Choking the men around the jackets, an overpowering smell of Diesel aftershave fills the area.
As opposed to the low murmur, the toy department is full of screams and laughter. Blinded by the vivid colours, parents back away towards the door, watching their children from afar. Deafened by the children’s screams of excitement, customers flee from the toy department. Flashing lights erupt from the life-size piano mat that lies in the middle of the room. ‘Twinkle twinkle little star’ can be heard from the speakers at the edge of the mat. Wide eyed, children jump on the keys that light up when each note is played. A strawberry scent drifts from the jellies that one child eats whilst playing on the piano mat.
As opposed to the sound of children’s laughter in the toy department, infants cam be heard crying in the cafeteria. Frustrated customers take their place in the endless queues, absorbing the smell of freshly ground coffee; waiting to taste the newly cooked bacon. Parents sit on the silver tables, trying to settle their children down. Hoping to entertain the four year old boy, a mother points to the brightly coloured posters that stand out against the dull walls. At the same time, the mother tries to finish her conversation with her husband, telling him how her new boss might be getting fired. Whilst eating his Full English breakfast, the man listens intently to his wife’s latest gossip.
The smell of the food drifts into the Home department, mingling with the combined smell of pine and leather. Arranged in an orderly, geometric sort of pattern, the sofas create little pathways for their buyers to walk through. A tannoy informs the customers that ‘if they buy the Louisiana Louisiana
Just as indecisive as the man in the Home department, women stare helplessly at the silver in the jewellery department. Their eyes sparkle more than the diamonds embedded in the rings and necklaces. A mixture of perfumes trail from the mob of women that hunt for the bargain jewellery that they can wear for their nights out with the girls. A tannoy is drowned out by the arguing of a mother and daughter. Raising her daughter’s arm, the mother points out that she has just bought her daughter some perfume, which could be smelt on her right wrist. The daughter insists on her mother buying her the silver T-bar chain that lay in a velvet box inside the tall, rotating cabinet.
In each department, people hunt for the perfect bargain, searching the treats before anyone else can. They make their way to the tills, credit cards out, ready to pay. As they pick up their new found fortunes, the men, women and children make their way out of the glass doors without looking back. Wishing he could do the same, the manager stares after the leaving customers. Taking a deep breath, he straightens his smart, black suit amid makes his way to his office, seeking peace from the noise of the tills and the shouts of the customers. There in his office, he waits. He waits for the day to end.
Teacher-of-English.com has a great series of PowerPoint lessons to help your pupils get to grips with writing to describe:
Writing to Describe KS3 KS4
A 70 slide Powerpoint presentation for teaching Writing to Describe. Includes exemplar materials, explores the use of the 5 senses and a focuses on creating imagery through language. A superb series of lessons that can be used and adapted for KS3 English or KS4.
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